I am infuriated today… Gabby informed that today her band
teacher used the R-word (retarded) today.
I am not infuriated at the fact that he used the word,
rather that he disregarded my daughter’s feelings.
The fact that he cut her off as she tried to explain how her
little brother, the little boy that has her wrapped around that stinky little
finger, has Down syndrome, and how that word is degrading to people like her
brother and insulting to those that love them.
Instead he told her to “lighten up, people call me ‘Baldy”
all the time…” well Baldy, I assure you that being bald is not degrading your
existence (per society) nor those the word “baldy” have a negative connotation
and implies stupidity.
And like I mentioned, I am not completely infuriated that he
used the word. Truth is at one point of my life, before I even knew what Down
syndrome was, before one of my greatest blessings was ever born, I used the
word often.
I didn’t mean to insult people with disabilities, although
in some way I was. In some knowing way, I was.
When my phone (or some other object) started to act up, I
would refer to it as a “retarded” phone… because it was stupid and dumb and
worthless… because the word retarded
came from “mentally retarded”… and somehow, those people were dumb. Hence the
usage of the word seemed appropriate.
Stab me in my heart, why don’t you. That is exactly how I
felt when Ethan was born. Heartbroken.
So retarded doesn’t imply stupidity, I’ve learned. Sadly
society has twisted the word.
Back to my point – I understand if he doesn’t
understand what the word means. I
understand if he doesn’t see how hurtful the word can be.
But DO NOT dismiss my child’s feelings. Do not make her
feel like less for standing up for what she believes in. DO NOT make her feel
little in a room full of students. DO NOT shatter my daughter’s confidence. DO
NOT teach her to hold in her feelings in matters that DO MATTER.
And middle school is tough! TOUGH! Not academically, but
socially. This is where kids who don’t know who they are, fall in with the
“wrong” crowd. This is a time of a child’s life where we need to direct them
and feed them how amazing they are and how they CAN make a difference in this
world. Lets empower these children not bring them down.
Thanks for the advice you gave my daughter, but I assure you
that neither she nor I will “lighten up”.
By the way, did you know a man with Down syndrome, Sujeet Desai, plays 7 instruments…
impressive.
-Erika
