Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sometimes Painful, Always Rewarding

Yesterday, I was stabbed. Stabbed right in the heart with a rusty old double sided knife.

I was in certain place, walking by certain people when someone decided he was above anyone else and has the power to speak with such vulgarity.

The phrase said was “…. I am a F’n R****D…”

I froze in my steps, looked back and almost paralyzed all I could say was “wow” out loud.

It was an out of body experience. The world moved in slow motion, I could see myself and everyone else in the room… I could not think straight. A million thoughts raced to my head, but not one thought was complete.

“WOW. Did you really mean to say that…” was what I would like to have said..

“WOW, Did you really mean to say that, don’t you know I have a child with Ds…”

“WOW, Did you really mean to say that, don’t you know that I have a child with Ds and what you just said is highly offensive”

“Wow, Did you really mean to say that, don’t you know that I have a child with Ds and what you just said is highly offensive and demeaning to individual with disabilities. Not only is it highly offensive, YOU ARE not in the position to speak in such a vulgar way.
Or
“Yeah, if you are going to use to that word in such a derogatory way and if that is what you think it means… yeah you ARE THE BIGGEST F’N “R”.

Or like my friend, Tina Roquemore said “Amen Brother! Preach it”

I have always prepared myself for such moments. I had it down, I practiced it many times. I was READY for a moment like this. But this… it was a slap in the face. I have always braced myself for this moment, because it was coming and I knew it was coming! I knew it was!!! I just wasn’t ready. Or maybe I didn’t think it would be so hard.

All I could say was “WOW”.

It wasn’t the occasional slip up some others commit that you educate and you move on… it wasn’t a “oh, I am such a “R”..” type of statement.. No, it was said with intentions to hurt.

I understand that not everyone gets “it”. I can take an occasionally slip. But the way it was used yesterday, with so much passion and heart full of hate. It shattered me. It’s those people that I am scared of. Those nasty heartless people who will intentionally hurt my son and others like him.

I wanted to run home, once again, and hold my Ethan under that rock that seems to always bring me some sort of comfort.

It is not Ethan’s Down syndrome that scares me, it’s people like this that refuse to see my son as a human being. I have worn my Spread the Word to End the Word shirt in front of him in the past. I have talked about my son, what he means to me and all that in front of this person. Yet, he sat there, with the biggest grin on his face and with the loudest most arrogant voice, he said those words. 

I came to a conclusion shortly afterwards:

Even though some things hurt like crazy when you have a child with special needs, at least I can love like crazy. Love in a way that some will never be able to love.
And this love, I wouldn’t trade for anything. 

3 comments:

  1. ...I love what you wrote at the end is this from lyrics or did you make this up, LOVE LIKE CRAZY! ... hugs to you!

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  2. NO, just my happy ramblings!=)

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  3. Be of strong heart. Some people take pride in their ignorance and nurture their talent for cruelty. It's very painful, but our children need to know that not every one is nice. At the very least, this guy isn't a wolf in sheep's clothing...he's shown his true colors. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. I know my "first time" is out there still. Sending hugs!

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