Thursday, April 14, 2011

Frustration.. helplessness...

Today something really disturbed me. It was right after lunchtime at work, I had left a window open with a blog to read in-between work (our internet at work is blocked except for before/after hrs and lunch time).  I did not expect to read or see what I did. 

It was a reminder of what God has placed us here for.

It was the image of a little girl, 3.5yrs old and I am sure some of you know who I am talking about…  She was recently adopted from overseas and her tiny body weighing in at 11lbs. You can read more about her story and thankfully her road to recovery HERE..

I broke down behind my desk and hoped nobody would walk up behind me. Its hard to face others who have no understanding for what your heart longs for and impatiently waits for.
I felt so desperately frustrated. All sorts of random thoughts jumped in my head.. what can I sell? What can I give up? What can I do to get the initial fees to start our adoption process? I just wanted to jump on any plane heading to Eastern Europe and bring back a child to forever love.  

I cant help but to feel so helpless.  All I could do was lock myself in the restroom and cry some more and more importantly pray. I know our time will come and I must be patient. 

I don’t know how to describe the feelings. I am sure other parent of a child with Down syndrome could relate to what is going through my heart and words are not even needed. But for everyone else, I cannot even begin to describe the emotions that poured from my pores at that moment. To have a child with Down syndrome and to have to look at another child just like my son, who almost died, just because she had Down syndrome. Because she was neglected and not loved like my Ethan. Shattering. I think about my boy, and how he deserves every ounce of love I give him, I cannot ever image his life any different.

I know tonight I will not be able to peacefully sleep as all these innocent orphans will be heavy on my heart.  The image of Carrington's fragile body has forever been marked in my heart. 

God Bless the Berman's and all those other families working on adopting these precious angels from overseas. May the good Lord provide you with all your needs and strength . You people are amazing. Thank you.


  1. I know what you mean! Everytime I hear stories like this, all I can think is that it could be Claire...

  2. So painful. It sometimes feels like those sort of things are combining our children too. It is hard to explain. But it is like an action directed at our children just because they too have Ds. To think it is okay to treat another human like that actually makes me angry too, but because of the horror and neglect.


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