I confess, I haven’t been up to blogging the past few weeks, ever since 31 for 21 and then the Buddy Walk, and a very busy October, I just want to go home and stare at the tv. Which of course it is not happening since Ethan runs the household and he has many other ideas that haven’t crossed my mind. Such as crawling into the kitchen and messing with the water cooler. Sneaking into his sisters rooms. Standing up next to the stove and reaching for the knobs! Eating the girls’ homework… and the list just goes on and on. But you get the idea, Ethan runs the show and I cannot just plop myself on the couch.
And November is the month of being thankful, where we can sit and reflect on those things, people, moments that are so very dear and important in our lives. But these days, all I can reflect on is how much I need some sleep!
But I am taking the time, today, to sit here and reflect on those things in life… seventeen things, for the 17 days we are into November….what I am thankful for (in no particular order):
1) For my life. For my very difficult, heart breaking, life that has turned into a beautiful and rewarding life.
2) For my Gabby. She was conceived at a time of uncertainty. When I was lost and unsure, frighten and terrified of what my life would ever and could ever be. Born, when I myself didn’t even know how to love myself, yet someone’s life was given to me and I had to learn how to love.
3) For old friends. For those you thought you would never see again after many years and you figured they never gave a damn about you … yet, the day I said “I need your help…” in a heartbeat they were there.
4) For new friends. For those that will drop whatever they have going on just to make you smile. For new friends that understand the heartache I once faced, and the friends that know the joy that now radiates from my heart. For the friends that walk along my side, holding hands with the same uncertainties, yet we know we will be ok, because we have each other. And those new friends that do not have a child like Ethan, but are willing to bend over backwards just to try to understand and NOT THINK I am overreacting. And for those online friends I have yet to meet in person, yet have been so quick to help out, such as Kristie in Connecticut, and Jackie in Kansas City, MO.
5) For my cousin Vere,… who was one of the few people who knew when I was pregnant with Ethan that he might possibly have Down syndrome. How she cried with me, over email. How she stayed strong with me and gave me words of comfort. How when Ethan was born and Ds was confirmed, she remained strong, and she continued with her comfort. She suggested we take Ethan to church, to be introduced and prayed for. But I was too scared.
6) For Andrea. The little obnoxious, bouncing off the walls, will-you-sit-still-for-a-second, non pony-tail wearing princess. Also conceived at a time of confusion. Also born to an incomplete woman.
7) For Santiago. My husband. For loving the incomplete, confused, lost woman I was then. For falling in love with me at first sight. For having a man to grow with, a man to cry with. A man to love our children. He has been a hard man to love, but today, I love him wholeheartedly.
8) For never considering abortions. Yes, abortion crossed my mind with all three pregnancies, but I never really considered it. I was young with Gabby, did I really love this man with Andrea, and can I really be having a third child… But God blessed me with the ability to nurture and grow a life in my womb.
9) For my marriage. There were many dark moments. Hurtful words, hurtful actions, hurtful days and hearts. I could have ran, Santiago could have ran. Neither one of us did. Yet, today, we remain together and stronger than ever. A strong loving union.
10) For my Ethan – for the son, I never imagined. He was too amazing to have ever been imagined or dreamt about. Surreal. Almost.
11) For Down syndrome. Just. Like. That.
12) For all those other moms before me. All those moms that have advocated and stood grounded on their beliefs, even when laughed at. You woman are heroes. Raising my child is a little easier because of You. Thank you.
13) For sloppy open mouth kisses from Ethan. I cant ever get enough.
14) For my Mother in Law. Who takes care of a very high energy child while we are away at work. For the way she loves my children.. (ok and for keeping my house clean…shhhhsh)
15) For Sebi… After meeting Sebi at a birthday party, Santiago became fully in love with him and that is when we had “the talk”… “Can we please have a third child…” and we went home and tried. But it was a little too late and had to wait till December 2008, where “Operation 3rd Baby” was a success.
16) For forgiving hearts. You cant really grow unless you forgive. Make peace with the pain, make peace with the wrongness in our lives, and forgive.
17) For being given the chance to be a mother, as well as a mother to a child with special needs. God is great, He is merciful and loving amongst many things. I am honored that He so lovingly placed this child in my womb. Don’t you ever feel sorry for me. Don’t you ever feel sorry for a mother with a child with special needs, for most likely, she will not need your pity. I sure as hell don’t need anyone’s pity. To love a child like mine is a love like no other. It is strong and aggressive in the most passionate way.
I am thankful….