Life has been a little chaotic lately, a whirlwind of emotions and things that need to be done and events . I just really haven’t had the time to sit calmly and reflect on the actual events about to happen.
August 22, my two darling girls will start school, 1st and 5th grade. On the 25, Ethan starts school as well. He will be attending the Rise School. It’s a special school for children with Down syndrome and they also have typical children. Honestly, I am not sure what will happen or what to expect. When we went to meet his teacher last month, I could feel the tears that were trying to build up. The reality of my little man going to school was trying to set in, but I fought it back. I am sure he will do just fine, but Ethan has this SEVERE separation anxiety and I know he will cry for WEEKS. It scares me. I’ve never felt that way about my girls. They have always been so strong and confident; they were also older when they first started school and even when the girls initially cried at a new daycare, it didn’t concern me. I knew they would eventually stop crying and they would be ok.
Ethan can cry for hours. This then leads to throwing himself on the floor and banging his head and biting and scratching. It terrifies me to think about it. I wonder if they will kindly hold him and not show frustration as he continuously cries and hits and scratches. Will they think horrible thoughts about the little boy that really is a sweet little man? Of course I have no idea how things will go. I will just have to wait and see. In the meantime I will just have to pray for peace in my heart and mind.
But the other thing I haven’t had a chance to reflect on is that Ethan will be TWO!!! Very very soon. On the 21st. I knew his birthday was coming up, I’ve already invited a few friends and family for a simple fun time together next Friday evening. This morning I actually sat down and reflected on what his birthday is and it what it means to me.
*A celebration of his incredible appearance onto this earth. A gentle soul from God given to me… to our family. A reminder that God chose us as his parents. He entrusted us with this extra special child. I am humbled. I am humbled that he has given me my girls, but even more so, Ethan, a human being that others find it so easy to criticize and dehumanize, yet he has more value than they will ever have. He will stand up tall and smile. He will know his true value; I will make sure of that. He will touch many people’s hearts and lives. People will change because of him, as so many already have.
I never imagined myself as a mother to a child so extra ordinary… but I am so delighted and thankful that I am.
Two short, yet beautiful years, full of tears, numerous happy tears over sad tears, full of achievements and proud moments. I can only pray for many more years and each year I will equally cherish, as every year will be a stepping stone to grander things.
Just a few more days till I can say “happy birthday my son”.
*I moved the treadmill to our bedroom, hoping that by seeing the ugly thing first thing every morning I would be more motivated to get on it… Ethan has been getting more used out of it than I have. “WHAT! Mommy has a jungle gym in her room! NICE!”
**I was possessed with something this weekend and took the girls AND Ethan to the movies to see The Smurfs, all by myself. He actually did pretty well for the first hour, then he decided he had had enough and cried and screamed and threw popcorn off the balcony for the remainder of the movie. Thankfully it was the first showing and there were other crying screaming kids and we blended in pretty nicely. Except for the fact that my crying kid was right in my ear.
“HAHAHA, I am going to make you REGRET this momma!”