Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The beautiful face of Down syndrome - another confession

I have a confession (yes another one).

What -TWO posts in ONE DAY!!!??? Yeah I know… pigs fly as well… but I was looking at some recent pictures of Ethan and I can’t get over how handsome my little boy is. Which led to some feelings I had when I was pregnant.

When I was pregnant with Ethan and we were told my screening test was positive and had a marker for Down syndrome, soon after I googled “children with down syndrome” and got all sorts of pages up. Some of which had tiny faces of children with Down syndrome.

Can I confess that when I seen those faces I cried. 

 I cried because I did NOT want my child to have Down syndrome, I did NOT want my child to look like “them”.

I got on online forums and read people’s stories, some parents insisted on deeply loving their child, saying  “I LOVE my child with Down syndrome, they are my world…” clearly I though, those people are delusional. How can someone ever love a child like “that” to that extent.

And I cried some more.

Deep down inside I just knew that Ethan would have Down syndrome although we hoped for the “best”. I didn’t necessarily pray that he did or did not have Ds, I left that up to God… but I did hope he didn’t.

Well thank God that everything was in His hands and not mine. No decision was left up to me, this is what He gifted me with and I was going to accept it no matter what.

Now I look at these children with Down syndrome and I see a beauty that no words could ever describe. I am so ashamed that at one point I was judging these children based on their looks. In my defense I was uneducated about these individuals. I never had anyone to speak the truth to me about people with Down syndrome. I never knew what an individual with Ds was capable of. I never knew how alike they were to me and in a way superior to me.

I am so ashamed of who I was before my son, but thank God that he is mine and that I am no longer the same person.

And now I see my son, so beautiful, with the most gorgeous brown eyes that are the shape of slanted almonds, his soft tiny ears that I caress at night… a face of an angel. But he is more than just an angel face, he is a person full of life and persistence…and I admire him.

He is my world –and I am NOT delusional. 


and dont forget to read my other post from today - help Sophia get home!

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